THE DALLAS MORNING STAR REPORT: The end is near!

Two and a half weeks left to my freshman year. Hold up what? No way. Way. Well damn. What’s been goin on for 8 months? Where’d they go?

If my right brain could talk to my left brain I imagine that’s largely what it might sound like. I’m disregarding the logic/arts split stuff.

Damn. I’m almost done with Freshman year. Cursing in surprise is about all I’ve got right now. I’m not quite at the end and in turn not quite ready to look back on the year. But I need to.

I got scared last night when JR talked about no more Thursday Challenge, Tuesday Study, Sunday Church. I’ve gotten so used to those things, which represent pretty much everything. I’ve had a much better second semester then 1st semester, but I’m not quite ready for the year to finish (but I can’t wait). I can’t wait to get past the reports, projects, annoying profs, classes that don’t have any relevance to life. At the same time, as soon as park my car in Austin this life will be so far away. I remember first arriving at USC and realizing my old life was so far away. When I get home I’ll think the same thing. No more IML class that I love (no really), no more Christian Challenge, working in the LGBT Resource Center, In N Out, Diddy Reise, The Grove, seeing the Hollywood sign, Parkside (sorta), Tommy Trojan, lazy Friday afternoons at my favorite spot on campus, seeing Bovard auditorium. I had no idea I would become such a part of campus, especially after a rocky first semester. But I have created a life here, like I know I would when I left Austin. I havn’t been home all semester, which is the longest I have been away from Texas in my entire life. I’m ready to get home, to get back to the old streets, the old restaurants, my old friends, all the trappings of a shadowing resemblance of a life I’ll never really know again.

I’ll return home changed, however I might not totally know how much I’ve changed until I’m walking on Texas soil. I know I’m going back with new knowledge. I have some Chinese and a lot of new knowledge on media images (which is how this blog entry ties into IML). As this class draws near a close, I ask myself – did I get out of it what I hoped? Was it effective?

Yes and No.

Ha not an easy answer. Yes I understand my world better now and am more analytical. At the same time, I’ve broken down many of the assumptions I had about the media that kept me comfortable. There have been several classes which lead me to feel defeated once I leave, convinced this world is going to hell and I can’t do anything about it because the media controls everything. I also didn’t really get to know the computer programs I wanted to, however I know that’s something I’ll have to pursue on my own time. I am in control of my destiny after all (I refuse to give in to any idea to the contrary). I’m more critical of the images I see, which is a double-edged sword – I am now a more informed consumer but at the same time I no longer enjoy the comforts of ignorance. Ignorance is truly bliss, but knowledge is bliss with a coating of work. I control my own ignorance (for the most part). I control what I want to learn and how I want to learn it. I control the fact that I haven’t put in enough time in my Chinese class and don’t do the readings for my Geology class.

I still want to go out and change the world, to leave a legacy, to make a lasting impact. As I begin to close my Freshman year I realize that while for many parts of the year I felt as though my journey has stagnated here at USC, I realize that I had been moving all along and had been so transfixed on the road I hadn’t noticed the scenery moving past me. I have begun to make a difference. I’m on my way. I am acquiring the tools and knowledge I need to be successful. With God on my side, I can do it. (cliché I know, but it works…)

So where is this rambling going? I don’t know. I’m doing this more for posterity than anything else. I’ll look at it a year from now and gauge my progress, just as I looked at my Senior year reflection earlier and my Freshman year reflection before that.

Freshman year. I lost an election. Found God. Made friends. Made enemies. Went to parties. Got drunk. Went to church. Worked. Played. Went to West Hollywood. Saw Sandra Bullock. Was in a TV commercial. Began quiet times. Went to Glorietta, New Mexico for Spring Break. Tried to run a Marathon. Tried to get involved with Latino stuff. Went to an acapella competition. Went to LACMA. Saw the beach. Hooked up. Finished my book. Got hired places, didn’t accept. Hosted a student. Went to a retreat. Planned a retreat. Painted a spirit sign. Loved. Lost. Sadness. Happiness. Became homesick. Found a life. Left a life. Added a minor. Drove to California (twice). Survived a road trip with both my parents. Saw snow. Met amazing people. Met lousy people. Went to tailgates. Went to football games. Got parking tickets. Partied with my boss. Gave speeches. Lost speech competitions. Ate at the University Club. Almost worked for Program Board. Spent all night in a Computer lab. Got C’s in classes. Went to Mel’s at 1 in the morning. Went to crazy Mexican family parties. Became a part of crazy Mexican drama. Met an old friend. Ate too much Diddy Reise. Ate at new restaurants. Walked 30 minutes to class. Ran 10 miles. Went clubbing. Networked. Set up a summer job. Got serious about school. Skipped nearly an entire week. Skipped every class at least once. Fell asleep in lecture. Wrote papers. Sucked at writing papers. Played Wii. Got my bike stolen. Fought with my roommate. Missed my parents. Missed my dog. Went to the Grove. Went to the Beverly Center. Remembered how awesome Slurpees are.

Created a life.
Lived a life.